A Bad Man For Me – A Compilation

I realize it is probably not your fault, the way you treat me and the way you talk to me because you are on so many drugs I can’t even find you beneath it all. What I wish I had the strength to say is… I’m done. But I don’t because I don’t trust myself to stand by my own words. So I’ll say nothing… and I’ll write everything.

You hurt me over and over and you don’t even know because you never see me cry.  You are safe on the other end, you don’t have to see my eyes red, my nose run. I hope you get better and get healthy, and find what you are looking for. But you and I… I can’t keep up with your games, I never could, I’m not good at it. I never have been. We aren’t on the same page, not even close. Not even in the same book. Or on the same shelf…

I don’t need to outline all of the ways you disrespect me and take me for granted. You’re smart and you can piece it together. I’ve been treated badly by men and I’ve been treated right by men. You are in the first category, and I don’t know what the hell was wrong with me for sticking around so long. I used to think we had a connection, we had something and we got each other and we laughed together. But no one is laughing anymore. Everything has gone stale and it’s just not fun.

I know I’ll keep your number saved in my phone but I hope I never give in and call you. And when you call me I’ll be in the right place, and I’ll tell you loud and clear all about how I am finally over you.

I”ll be over you.

You finally did it
You pushed and pushed and pushed me to my limit
And here at the end it feels refreshingly clear
And I wonder why I needed you to push so hard for me to get here
So no, I won’t be coming over
No I’m not bringing you your dinner
You can go ahead and lose my number
Because I’m finally over you

When I’m finally over you, I’ll be flying high.
Free at last from the sadness I felt inside.
I’ll be over over over you
And I’ll feel free, I’ll be flying high and I’ll see clearly when I look back at you
I’ll see you for you, and not how I wanted to.
I’ll finally see that you were never the one to make me happy
No matter how hard I tried I don’t think I could do it for you.
You give me no reasons to love you
No reasons to see this through
No reasons to hope for us to come true.
I know still getting over you will take me many moons
But each sunrise will bring me closer
And for this I will be patient
Because I’m tired of the let downs and tired of the hoping
That maybe one of these days
You will be here for me

I’ve been crying
Crying because of you for the last time
I don’t want to be a fool for a fool
So I’ll wipe away the wetness and forget about my stresses
Done with all the messes you’ve made inside my head
I’m cleaning up in there and there is no space for your games anymore
I’ve been crying but each tear that hits the ground sends you flying
Away away away
Away from me at last

It could have been so simple so easy so fun
But you can’t handle the love I laid down couldn’t handle the sun
You prefer shades down
You prefer to sit on your couch
Dark hole, lone wolf, you don’t need no one but yourself
So I’ll leave you to it, I’ll leave you alone like you claim you want to be
Just don’t come back to me
Don’t come running back to me
You had your chance, more than one
And once this wolf goes free, she’s impossible to see
Goodbye Anthony

I’ve always been a writer, not always a sharer

Here I go
One foot in front of the next
It’s as easy as that
Each step takes me closer
To never going back
Another chip off the old block
Innocence is lost on me again
I’m on my own
As I’ve always been
So here I go
Why the hell not?
There are no better offers
And no one is saving my spot
I never saw myself here
But I’m afraid there’s no where left to look
I will put down my pen
I will wait for you to pick it up
And though my pages for now may be empty,
I will forever remain
An open book


Going Rate

Going once
Going twice
And I’m gone
No one can see me
No one can find me
I lost myself when you lost sight of me
I’ve looked around
Up and down
I’ve asked for help
But I was never found
I can’t go backwards
And I don’t want to go forwards
So I’ll offer myself up
And I’ll stay frozen here forever
And I won’t have to think
I won’t have to hurt
I won’t have to search anymore
The party is over
Sold, to the highest bidder.
You, the man in the back – come claim your prize
You are the winner
And I have nothing left to lose.


Slippery Slope

Watch your step…

Have you ever done something you never thought in a million years you would ever do? Something that questions your morals, your upbringing, your religion, your mother, your father, your community, something that forces you to re-configure your entire perspective on good vs. evil, right vs. wrong…

Something that if you did it, it would mean you aren’t quite “you” anymore. After doing it, you simply cannot be! How could you? Because everything up until that point, every word you spoke, every thought you thunk, every friend you made, everything that defined you was rooted in all of the above.

So what now? What happens after you dip your pinky toe into the pond, and before you know it – there you are standing in the middle, tilting your head side to side trying to get the water out of your ears.

It starts with dinner. Or lunch even. Get paid $200 to wine and dine at your town’s finest eatery, no strings attached? Yes please – whats that? Oh, yes I would like a box, thank you. And how about getting $2,000 for lunch in a private hotel room – minus the wine and dine (let’s not kid ourselves). And have you considered pocketing $10,000 for a weekend getaway? Maybe a private island off the coast of Maui… No? Perhaps $50,000. Shopping, spa, hot tub… Oh but don’t worry, we can just do lunch, if that’s all you’re up for.

I just want to see those lovely blue eyes of yours again.

Everyone has a price.

What’s yours?